What No One Tells You About Funeral Directors — Until You Really Need One
Last week, my neighbor Susan had to plan her uncle’s funeral. She called me in tears saying,
“I don’t even know where to start. Do I call a church? A morgue? A—what’s it called—funeral boss?”
Turns out what she really needed was a funeral director — and trust me, these folks wear more hats than a Starbucks barista during pumpkin spice season.
Let’s be real: no one wants to think about death. But when it happens (and it will), the funeral director is the one holding everything together while you’re falling apart.
What No One Tells You About Funeral Directors
What Does a Funeral Director Actually Do?
Short answer: everything you don’t want to deal with.
Long answer: they’re part event planner, part therapist, part paperwork ninja.
In places like Cincinnati or small towns in Georgia, they’re also a neighbor who’s known your family since you were in diapers.
Here’s what they’re usually handling behind the scenes:
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Coordinating with cemeteries or crematoriums
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Booking chapels or service venues
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Arranging flowers, music, photos
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Managing the “viewing” or wake
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Even… makeup for the deceased (yeah, they do that too)
Basically, they take the emotional chaos and somehow turn it into a peaceful goodbye.
Real Talk: It’s Not an Easy Job
Funeral directors don’t work 9 to 5.
They don’t get holidays off.
And they definitely don’t get “normal” client requests.
One director I spoke with in Tampa said a family once asked him to play Highway to Hell during a cremation ceremony. He said, “I didn’t ask questions. I just made sure the Bluetooth worked.”
Respect.
Tips for Dealing With a Funeral Director (Before You’re Panicked)
1. Ask questions early — even before you need one
Pro tip: Many funeral homes offer pre-planning. It sounds morbid, but future-you will thank you.
2. Get a price list upfront
By law (in the U.S.), they have to give you one. Some are super transparent, others… not so much.
3. Let them guide you
They’ve seen it all. Want a themed memorial? A green burial? Just ask. Odds are they’ve done weirder.
4. Don’t be afraid to say no
You don’t have to buy the $9,000 casket. Simpler options exist, and a good funeral director won’t pressure you.
Unexpected Skills Funeral Directors Have (That Deserve More Love)
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Crisis management
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Multilingual empathy
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Floral design skills
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Voice that’s always calm, even when you’re losing it
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Jedi-level patience
And let’s not forget: they’re usually the last person to leave the room after everyone else goes home.
Final Word: These Folks Deserve More Respect Than They Get
Funeral directors aren’t just there for logistics. They’re the quiet heroes in our hardest moments.
They hold your hand, fix your tie, let your aunt cry for 15 minutes straight, and somehow make a heartbreaking day feel… manageable.
If you know one, say thanks.
If you don’t? Trust me — you’ll wish you did, someday.
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